I started a work-from-home job in October, and I was incredibly grateful and excited for the opportunity. Before that, I had just begun working at Skechers in September. While there, my water and heat were cut off, and in the middle of stacking boxes of shoes, my mom texted me to let me know we had received an eviction notice from the sheriff.

Transitioning from a job with limited hours but thorough training to one that paid the same rate as my previous job but with full-time hours, I knew this new position could help us escape our difficult situation. And it has—I've managed to get our bills back on track. However, the job came with some red flags. Over time, I started experiencing daily nosebleeds and frequent panic attacks. I received little training and was thrown onto the phones with the expectation that I would perform well. Within a month, they promoted us to a new role with no proper training, yet again expecting immediate success.

Every day, before sitting at my desk, I felt a mix of misery, disappointment, and gratitude. I never thought it was possible to feel both at the same time. I initially thought I was being ungrateful when I expressed my concerns about the job until my coworkers shared the same frustrations. Have you ever felt both grateful and disappointed simultaneously?

Part of me feels like I’m undergoing an awakening or an ego death, in a way. I still experience occasional panic attacks, fluctuating from mild to medium, but I continue to pray and meditate daily—even before I started this job.

To get through the day, I work on channeling this energy into creating the life I want. This experience has shown me that I’m meant to work for myself. Yes, I know being an entrepreneur is challenging, but I would rather build an honest foundation doing what I love. Between calls or on my off days, I focus on my side hustle, working on systems that will improve my life. I’m learning financial literacy and management because I never want to go through this situation again. Honestly, money no longer feels like a problem because I’ve been reflecting on my relationship with it and changing my perspective. I’m learning to manage it better. Shifting my mindset for a better reality is my goal, and I am determined to thrive through this.

Have you ever felt gratitude and disappointment at the same time? What are you learning from your own experiences right now?

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